A few months ago, I came across some shattering statistics about female sexuality in my Human Behavior class. Apparently, between 20 and 30% of women in the US and Europe experience female orgasmic disorder (basically, not being able to or having a hard time coming, with the added dimension of feeling distressed about it)*.
Also, 30% of women AROUND THE WORLD experience female sexual interest/arousal disorder, featuring a reduction of interest in sex, and, again, feeling distressed about it*. (I mention the distress part to show the numbers are likely even higher amongst women who just figure they’re not that sexual anymore or just don’t enjoy sex as much.)
And THEN, in the class where we discussed the reading, my female professor didn’t even bring this aspect of the chapter up!!
This speaks to the disturbing normalization of disinterest in women’s sexuality. Our recent Demystified post by a writer who experienced later orgasms delved into some of the reasons why this might be happening beyond (or instead of) biology: our country’s Protestant underpinnings, terrible sex ed, a lack of accurate info on sexuality in media/culture, partner’s lack of info, and general fear and insecurity. After this piece published, we heard from multiple women who had not experienced orgasms.
I’m delighted that we can now recommend a solution.
OMGYes is an absolutely brilliant site that offers research-backed how-to videos to help women explore their sexual pleasure. The founders were frustrated with the lack of info out there and conducted the first-ever, large-scale peer-reviewed and published research on female sexual pleasure. With the results, they created twelve “episodes” that include various video interviews from real women as well as written info, tips, and graphics. While the info is geared towards women focusing on their own bodies, there are also many tips for their partners to employ.
Some of the episode topics include edging (how to get close and back away from an orgasm to heighten the sensation), signaling (how to communicate verbally and non-verbally in bed with partners), and orbiting (how to try different variations on circling the clit—the way 8/10 women achieve orgasm).
I was, frankly, a bit shocked when I first started exploring the site. To see women not only talking so freely about their vaginas and clits but also (in certain videos) actually SHOWING how they touch themselves was completely mind blowing. No shame, no fear, just warm and matter-of-fact convo about what they like or what their partners do. One by-product of this was to make me realize how varied and beautiful vaginas are. (If you are a straight woman, have you even seen real, up-close, and non-pornified vaginas besides your own? Likely not!!) I was also happy to see that the women are a variety of races, ages, and sexualities. And while the site is geared to persons with vaginas, I would guess that anyone would be able to benefit from the info on how to explore one’s body alone or with a partner.
There is so much on the site that speaks to things that women deal with but might not think that they can change—such as the episode on framing. Framing refers to how women are thinking about sex in the moment, and focuses on how the pressure to achieve an orgasm (by oneself or with a partner) can keep one from getting there. This episode offers specific mental and somatic techniques on how to get out of this mindset and focus on the pleasure, which often leads to orgasms without trying.
OMGYes currently offers 62 videos for Season One, and the one-time payment for this season goes to funding more research on female sexuality. New videos and topics are currently being added, and Season Two promises to delve even deeper into related topics. The current early-bird rate for S1 is $39 (regularly $59), and while it can feel painful to pay for online videos, I can personally vouch that this might be the best forty bucks you’ve ever spent. Even if you feel fairly confident about your sexual style, the site will inspire you to mix things up and explore forms of pleasure you may never have considered before. Whether you’re looking to increase your own solo pleasure, want to experiment more with your partner, or are hoping to learn more about how to please women in bed, I absolutely recommend OMGYes.
*Ray, W. (2017). Abnormal Psychology, 2e. New York: NY: SAGE.
Photo by Gabriel Matula.
